Where to start —

It confuses me when a website has a blank for a check mark with “remember me?” underneath it, I put a check mark to say, “Yes, thank you very much,” and the next time I pull up the site, the same empty box is there and it didn’t remember me. I don’t appreciate the rejection.

It confuses me when Facebook picks the same few people as important to me, and I miss half the messages people send. Then, they get upset that I did’t answer — because no one uses e-mail or phones anymore, and I don’t do the text/twitter thing yet. My relic phone wouldn’t know Facebook if it was hit on the screen with a happy face.

It confuses me when I’m so exhausted I can’t hold up my head, but the minute said head hits the pillow, I’m wide awake.

It confuses me when I lose 10 pounds, and all my clothes fit the same. Actually, that one just ticks me off.

It confuses me when someone gives me an exact date by which a task will be done, and nothing happens. This is my life, dingbat. Get with the program.

It confuses me when I vow to quit cursing, but the only word I have trouble eliminating is the one word that can be used as any part of speech and can be conjugated with ease. You know. I don’t have to tell you. The rest are gone, but that one pops up at the most inappropriate times… usual.

Though when Bill and I first arrived in Denver in ’83, I called my best friend in Hawaii and told her, “Beth Ann, we hit Hawaii’s all time high and all time low today,” It confuses me when I wake up in the morning, put on the clothes the weatherman told me I’d need today, open the door, and have to go change before leaving the house.

It confuses me that I remembered Estes Park, Georgetown and Breckenridge as being about an hour from where I lived in Aurora, or even when I lived off Colorado Blvd. in Denver. Now, no matter how many times I mapquest or GPS them, they’re two hours away.

It confuses me when consignment shops advertise, “high-end designers,” and they consider those designers Guess and Coach. The good news is that there was a pamphlet at one of them and I made some phone calls. I had found two pair of jeans in the suitcase in the trunk of my car, so I was able to pick up a good pair of warm, multi-weather shoes and a comfy navy sweater. That should get me through until I figure out what I’m doing.

It confuses me when I look at every morning, see a job, and don’t know whether to apply. I don’t know whether I’m supposed to be working now, or waiting for the settlement, get some time off that’s stress free and I can go visit friends and places farther than three days away from California…. or just sublet one of Abbi’s dancer friend’s apartments until fall hiring season and walk on the beach every day…..but miss living with girls so much I’m conflicted. Miss TV room laughter, girls dressing for parties that require costumes, clumps of girls studying in random corners, and miss baking pies for the multitudes. Heck. I even miss trying to meet the needs of the vegetarian,vegan, semi-Kosher, gluten free, lactose-intolerant, blueberry/avocado/walnut/any nut/allergic all at the same time while keeping the vegetarians/vegans from dying of malnutrition and the power blowing every Thursday night from too many hair dryers going at the same time.

It confuses me when I want to write, but all my research and notes are in boxes in California.

It confuses me when I’m trying to get acquainted with Denver again.  Of all the places I’ve lived….and there have been more than a few…..the only places that have really felt like home were Denver and Berkeley. Unfortunately, it seems that every town I’ve ever lived in has an Alameda Street. A Pennsylvania Avenue. A Fairfax Street…..the list goes on and on. I leave the house so proud I know where places are, then forget what city I’m in. Shop names are the same in different cities. The Junior League Thrift Shop that was my “go to” place now doesn’t do consignments and has slipped in quality so much I probably won’t go back. Tattered Cover Book Store that was in Cherry Creek when I left is now on Colfax.

I’m even dreaming about it.

My car breaks down, and I know exactly where to take it…..only to find a used car dealership that wants me to trade in my car for another convertible, but the only two on the lot are VW Bugs, and that’s not what I want and then I see the repair shop I was looking for behind it…..two Alameda streets from two separate cities screwing with my head.

I’m back in the office where I got my first position after finishing my degree at Columbia’s branch here in Denver, but there are hundreds of people there and the idiot who was my boss is still in the driver’s seat. I had already been promoted and for some reason was back there and he refused to train me in the new stuff that came up so I couldn’t make a living before my next management assignment where I’d be expected to teach the same stuff I wasn’t learning.

There are dreams of people I’ve known in one place, but are in another, being yet another person from another city, and I’m trying to figure out where I fit into the picture. Only to find I, too, am someone else I’ve known in the dream. No wonder I can’t sleep. It’s too confusing.

It confuses me that I wake up in the morning planning for making dinner that evening, and all the things I was sure we had in the house are gone….but somewhere in the middle of the night, I saw those potatoes right where they were supposed to be. There was chicken in the freezer. Oh, wait.  That was at Jenny & Jason’s.

It still confuses me that everywhere I go, TV shows are on at different times. On the west coast and some places in the middle section of the country, “prime time” starts at 7pm. In others, it starts at 8pm. I turn the tv on to watch a favorite show and either find that it doesn’t start for another hour or it just ended.

It confuses me that Beckett and Castle are finally, at last, in a relationship but are trying to hide it from their co-workers. If it’s obvious to me, shouldn’t a room full of detectives be able to figure it out?

It confuses me that the country has two so diametrically opposed candidates for president; one of them could hold an entire debate against himself,  yet there’s a virtual tie. For the longest time, it confused me whether I should vote as a California absentee and hope the ballot gets there, or vote in Colorado. I finally opted for Colorado, because it’s a swing state and my one vote will mean more here. And as soon as my voter’s registration card arrives, I’ll vote early and know I’ve done everything I can do. Then, it’s up to the rest of the masses.

And staying on elections, it confuses me that the voter’s commission hasn’t figured out that people vote in Utah in the morning and again in California that afternoon.

I’m confused when I see someone I know, and realize they’re not who I thought they were…..sometimes, after I’ve spoken to them. Almost hugged a guy in King’s Soopers yesterday. He didn’t have a ring on, so it could have worked out, but I erred on the side of caution.

I’m confused at why I’ve had a crush on Mark Harmon for the last 10 years or so — we hardly know each other.

I’m confused when I wake up in the middle of the night and can’t find the bathroom.

Mostly, I’m confused at how I got here in the first place.

But, for some reason this is where I’m supposed to be at this point in time, so I’m embracing it and making the most of each passing day.

So, wherever you are in your life, you owe it to yourself to do the same. Live every day as if this is exactly where you’re supposed to be at this place in time. Enjoy it, even if things don’t seem very comfortable at the moment. Figure out what you’re supposed to learn from the experience. This is the most important day of your life. Without today, there would be no tomorrow. So, until then…..

Oh — I know I promised to introduce you to new authors every week, but most of them were at a very long weekend in Cleveland at Bouchercon, a conference for mystery/thriller writers. Not only is this the most supportive community in the world, it’s also the most fun. At this point in time, they’re recouperating from several days with fun people, friends they only get to see once a year, laughing, and perhaps having a few drinks. And they’re catching up on a week’s worth of writing.  So, we’ll start up again next week.

My posts won’t be every day for awhile, because frankly, unless you want me to talk about Sophie, Indiana Jones and Josie, the clock that loses a minute a day, so at ll:54 am, the clock just chimed 11:30, or deciding what to fix for dinner and when to wash clothes, my life just isn’t that interesting.

But please vote. Our Country depends on the outcome. And until next time, be careful out there.