CHANGE OF LIFE

It’s that time again….time to pack up and move.

Today will be fun — finishing up some paperwork, going to give a dog a bath, fix dinner for Jason & the kids and pick them up at the airport at 5. Get to spend this evening and tomorrow with the kids, then moving on.

Next move is back to the farm where I get to spend time with Mary, Lina, their horsies, puppies and the cat that has adopted him. We really need to figure out the sex of that cat. Shim is its name now…..not sure it sounds right. I know. Worrying about strange things again.

I called my precious friend, Peggy, in Denver a couple of nights ago, and for one of way too many times to discount, she said, “I just sent you an e-mail.” We’ve laughed about our relationship — we weren’t raised the same, have very few things in common, started our friendship when my first words to her were, “What I need is a good affair,” which was strange since I’d never considered having one, and if you look at our astrological signs, we shouldn’t even be on the same planet. But in spite of all that, we seem to be joined. She calls, and I’ve just been thinking of her, or I call and she’s just sent an e-mail.We won’t talk for a year, but pick up where we left off as if we’ve never been apart. Somehow, we’re joined. And I’m so glad. My life wouldn’t be the same without her.

I’ll be headed back her way in September. Denver in the fall is beautiful. Time with Peggy is peaceful, yet never boring. So excited to see her again.

But in the last few days I’ve realized that over the last five years I had become a recluse. I’d locked out everything and everyone that meant anything to me. Part of it was unavoidable. My writing community and friends when I lived in NorCal became acquaintances after living away from them for so long. I never made friends in San Diego. Don’t know why. Never joined any groups or reached out to anyone in LA except two house directors, and those relationships have grown stagnant, too. And being back in OKC has made me realize that, except for Facebook, I had completely cut myself off from everyone here — all after the assault.

Something about that event, or the betrayal of the girls that evolved from it, made me built up walls. It’s been a lonely four years and eight months. Just don’t know if I’m ready to open up yet. Have a couple of people I talk to about things deeper than basketball or politics (and the politics this year, you’ve got to admit, are both depressing and, well, depressing). But even that is new.

Being at Jenni & Jason’s, with their munchkins and furballs has made me feel like I had a home again, but I know it’s not my home and it’s time to move on while they still like me. But I needed to remember what it was like to have a family and people I could talk to. Though we haven’t hit sex, religion or politics. Well, Jenni and I talked about sex for about two sentences, but I’m not sure that counts.  It’s just felt good to have kids to hug and harass, pets to snuggle with and adults to share time with in a peaceful environment. (If there’s such a thing as a peaceful environment when three rambunctions kids and four very strange animals are involved.)

Maybe that’s why I’m going through this transient stage right now. This may be a time I need to relive pieces of my life to remind me who I used to be, learn to interact again, figure out who I am now and help me evolve into who I will be once all this is over. I’ll never be the person I was on December 6, 2006, but am anxious to meet the person I will be once this is over. Or, perhaps I’m just waxing philisophical again. Who, the hell knows.

On a more fun note, Jayda Belle (the 9-month old cat) has found a great way to keep Jinx (a couple of months old) entertained.

She sits on the back of the couch — just sits there — and flicks her tail. Jinx will play with that flicking tail until Jayda Belle gets bored and simply walks away. It’s genious. She gets to wear out the little kid who drives her nuts without exerting any energy. And he falls for it every time.

I’m pretty sure cats can talk — but if they did, we’d have the upper hand, and they can never allow that to happen.

I know this has been short, but it’s all I’ve got for now. Tomorrow morning I’ll have a house full of kids who have just gotten back from a week in Vegas. I’m sure there will be plenty to talk about.

First, I have to have a long talk with Jinx to give him the bad news that tonight, Little Dude is returning and he’ll once again be carried around by the neck.

So until tomorrow, be good to yourselves. Tell someone you love them. And be safe out there.